Saturday, February 28, 2004

Tonight has been awkward for me... Haven't been to SNA for a little while. I knew as I walked into the backroom of SNA, everything inside me, made me felt like I was depressed. I also felt full of anger. I had no idea why I was feeling this way. I wish I knew but it was odd that I didn't know what...

During worship tonight I was praying so deeply and I haven't prayed like that in ages. God said something to me tonight... and he said "Don't be afraid. Don't be ashamed." I was wondering what he meant by that and asked in my mind "Afraid of what? and ashamed of what?" but he didn't reply before Tom faded while playing his guitar and said "Amen." Afterwards I really wanted to cry... and I couldn't tell if it was either sad or happy or a mixture of what I was feeling to make me feel crying. I really wanted to pray more... but there wasn't enough time... and SNA had to move on with the announcements and the talk. One of the announcements was the birthdays... I really didn't expect that to come up. Standing in front of SNA was kind of weird... plus saying that I'm "seventeen" towards the microphone was weird too... I really did feel like running away... I couldn't stand the "happy birthday" song any longer... so... all I did is look at the ground and not look at people's faces. But I smiled while looking down...

At the end of SNA I was still figuring out of what God said to me. Then I told my friend, Pam, about of what God said to me and also said how I thought SNA wasn't that great for me tonight. Probably I said that because of the people... I felt like most of them were giving me bad impressions...
I just want to say to SNA, sorry that I ran away after prayer in the backroom... I guess I was ashamed... of people singing happy birthday to me... or maybe something like that. well... nothing much to say... but to say that I love everyone that I know... thank you for making it special... I'm pretty happy. Thats all... Ciao!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Best Birthday I ever had - If you want to read my birthday entry

  • Sunday, February 22, 2004

    Prayer for Forgiveness

    Help me, God, to move
    beyond my hurt and make
    the healing choice to forgive.
    May your love warm my heart
    so I can reclaim the freedom
    and peace that come
    with forgiveness.

    That is what I need to do. Ask Him for forgiveness. Today I was traveling around from MTR to MTR station to take photos for my art exam. After taking the photographs that I wanted I decided to go to Causeway Bay to develop the photos, so I did. Then I knew I was really close to "New Chapter," the place where all Christianity books are and other stuff. As soon as I got to the shop I have noticed that the shop has slightly changed. While walking around, the background music made me quite relaxed but also sad in a way cos it sounded quite sad. I kept on looking at other stuff... but something caught my attention.


    you know one of those cards that says stuff...? well... I have bought more than 5 of them, which inspired me the most. As I read the card thingy's I realised how much I miss SNA and how much I missed God... I haven't said a prayer for a long time now... I really want to say a prayer but I have no idea what to say to Him. Plus... they say that you have to listen more than talking... something like that... I never seem to get messages... but once a he end of last year with the school stuff... I feel lonely again... I wish God's arms were around me right now... to comfort me... and know that he is around... anyways... life isn't so good with me... ciao...

    Saturday, February 14, 2004

    ~14th Feb. 2004~
    Happy Late Valentines Day everyone! ~hehe~ I hope everyone had a wonderful valentines day, especially to the people who went to the SNA Valentines Day Coffee House. Well... It was sad that I didn't play guitar for the valentines day coffee house this time... well I had reasons... but I did drama with Susan, Ryan, Karl and Robin for the coffee house. The Drama was fun. I had to be a bad person who takes Susan's poor heart away and destroy it in many ways. The people got pretty scared of that part... they thought we were really fighting. It was just an act. It was amazing how many people came to the coffee house... It was much better than the last coffee house last year in my remembrance.

    Almost every valentines day I get really depressed because I had no boyfriend to share valentines day with, but this time it was slightly different. When days past by from the last few days, LOVE was in the air. There were advertisments everywhere and I couldn't stand it. Almost everyone I knew had a boyfriend. Someone told me that valentines day isn't only about couples, it's with friends as well... I think God was trying to give me the message that valentines day isn't just couples... it's also everyone around you... When I was at the coffee house I was starting to think of what my friend said and that changed my perpective about valentines day. I hope everyone had a good time at the coffee house =) .

    ~16th Feburary 2004~

    This morning I had this big headache and I wasn't able to get out of bed to get ready for school. I've missed the first 2 periods of the day. When I was still in pain I started praying in my mind and started crying, trying my best to ask God to take the painful headache away. I was hoping to get better before 10am so I could get to school and get my Art exam paper. I serious didn't feel like missing school. My parents thought I should stay home for the day but I was too stubborn to stay at home. After taking 2 hours rest, I felt much better at the time. I got up with my mind being refreshed - no pain, no big headache. Finally! I was pretty happy because I was able to get my Art exam paper! hehe~ anyways....

    I guess this is sort of boring now... since I don't know what to say much spiritually... but I hope I could get the really good feeling again from God so I could write stuff about my spirit side... Ciao!

    Monday, February 09, 2004

    oh my... Valentines day coming up! Pretty soon! hehe! Flowers... Chocolates... wow... I bet people are excited about Valentines day Coffee House! well... I have nothing much to say... =) c'yaz

    Monday, February 02, 2004

    Today I still feel the guilt inside which I am still recovering from last Saturday. I wasn't in the good mood at the time and I pretty much was a bit rude in a way. I want to say sorry to the people who I was being a bit rude to and I know I have already said sorry to two people but I just want to say sorry again. ok... I guess that's enough... anyways,

    This is a book which caught my attention, while I was at this book shop at Central today. When I was looking around the book shop I have found some books that had some spiritual stuff but for some odd reason the book Conversations with God : An Uncommon Dialogue (Book 1)
    (the link is a preview of what's inside of the book) just caught my eye. As I lift up the book and opened it, reading the first few lines of the first chapter got me so interested. As I kept on reading and reading, it felt like God was talking to me through a book... (I know it sounds weird). At the back of my mind I knew that I had to go home really soon but... I couldn't stop reading! I got pretty much addicted to the book... but I managed to put the book down and walk back outside to the crowded streets sort of near Lan Kwai Fong, and that my mind wants to go back to the book shop and keep on reading. man... never fell for a book so deeply in my entire life... usually I would read one line from a book I thought it would be interesting and walk away cos it seemed really boring. Conversations with God : An Uncommon Dialogue (Book 1) was totally different... and it made me think more about my spiritual side. I am gonna buy that book! hehe~ well... I hope I'm making sense...