Monday, March 29, 2004

Last Wednesday I met up with Janice to pick up a bit of bible study again. Janice gave me this little booklet which is something like a 50 days thing... the first was Day 1 "Guided by Day and by Night" and it said read Psalm 23. This is Psalm 23;

Psalm 23 - A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [1]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

While reading Psalm 23, it sounded really cool at first but after understanding it I thought it was really cool. Pretty strong stuff... and here are a few thoughts and notes of Psalm 23;
The LORD is our shepherd and we are his sheep who follows him. HE is our leader and we are his followers (children).
He described in verse two - He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters
- it sounded like a really peaceful verse... so I guess he gives us peace... it's like comfort... feels like we're safe with Him.
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.- He guides us to the right path... and we follow Him in Jesus name...
making a brief notes to finish my blog off: In verse 4, even though there is bad stuff around the whole entire world (lol) we are not afraid because the LORD is always with us where ever we are... and his rod and staff is sort of like our protection in way... like if we get lost he will hit the staff against the ground so we can hear where he is... umm... I have more notes but I'm really tired... and I think you know Psalm 23 already... heard it is the most popular Psalm... anyways this is all my thought notes from last Wednesday with Janice... g2g... ciao!

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Last night at SNA was great. Playing electric guitar for worship and giving my testimony to SNA for the first time. Speaking in front of SNA was the scariest thing I had to do... At first I was like "hey" then everyone says hey, then I said "wassup" and everyone was kind of laughing. I didn't know how to start of my testimony, so I just went for it. While I was speaking I felt God's presence, and felt like he was really close. Also felt like he was doing most of the talking through me. I guess it might sound silly but it's not. I was really glad that I said my testimony... If I didn't then what's the point? It will feel like keeping it away from the people you know and they have to know your testimony someday... right? - 'Testimony's are suppose to be told, not to be kept.' - That's what I learnt.

Today I was able to get up in the morning to go to church by getting a big headache and an aching back. So yeah... I decided to go to church. As soon as I got to church, I realised that I was 30 minutes early before church time. Oh well... at least this time I wasn't late. The talk was really interesting... I think the talk was about fellowship... I think. Wasn't quite clear with all these funny random acts but at least I got some points from the talk. At the end, during acoustic worship I prayed deeply, I felt like I was even closer to God. After acoustic worship, I opened my eyes and tears were about to form, but I was able to dry my tears away. Well... I have nothing else to say. But if anyone who missed and really wants to know my testimony, maybe next time.

These are songs that I like;

Art In Me - Jars of Clay
Images on the sidewalk speak of dream's decent
Washed away by storms to graves of cynical lament
Dirty canvases to call my own
Protest lyrics carved by the old pay phone

In your picture book I'm trying hard to see
Turning endless pages of this tragedy
Sculpting every move you compose a symphony
You plead to everyone, "see the art in me"

Broken stained-glass windows, the fragments ramble on
Tales of broken souls, an eternity's been won
As critics scorn the thoughts and works of mortal man
My eyes are drawn to you in awe once again

In your picture book I'm trying hard to see
Turning endless pages of this tragedy
Sculpting every move you compose a symphony
You plead to everyone, "see the art in me"

Long Song for a Saviour - Jars of Clay
In open fields of wild flowers,
She breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses,
in no simple language.
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips.
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him.
Someday He'll call her and she will come running,
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You." x4

She wants to say...

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best.
The sermon echoes through the walls.
A great salvation through it calls to the people,
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls.

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens.
As close as a heartbeat or a song on our lips.
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him.
Someday He'll call us and we will come running,
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with you" 4x

"la la la" 7x

It seems too easy to call you Savior,
Not close enough to call you God.
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion...

"I want to fall in love with You."
(slowly fade out)

I hope this entry makes sense... cos right now i'm tired from getting up early in the morning to make a big effort to get to The Vine church. So... yeah...

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

The talk from last Saturday about 'relationships' was good and also a short story of Tom R when he was nine years old. That was actually funny but gross in a different perspective. ehem... anyways...
Last week I felt like my life went out of control, my teachers were starting to get pretty concerned and were a bit disappointed in me. Just looking at their faces made me feel pretty guilty. With all their hard work of educating me and others and what did I do to pay them back? Not much respect and not impressing my teachers as I use to. My International Citizenship teacher gave me a Friday detention last week for not handing my coursework and not turning up for IC detention... the first ever Friday detention in my entire life...
Also, last week I have started thinking so hard about my friends, family, myself and my future. I was crying while thinking about the things... I was asking random questions to myself like 'Don't any of my friends trust me with anything as I trust them dearly? Will I be able to reach to my goal? Why am I being disrespectful towards my parents when they respect me?' and more questions spinning around in my mind... - I don't know... I felt that I was alone... unloved... last week.

At SNA, I walked in... thinking that everything will be alright... but it didn't. A friend of mine, was crying in tears... I couldn't understand why she was like that... I hugged her and asked what was wrong and she wouldn't tell me. At that point I felt that trust was in the air... and another friend (not sure if that person is a friend or not) I was talking to him a bit after practicing worship, felt that I did so many mistakes on my part on the electric but I was okay. Just by saying "Do you practice bass everyday?" and rudely replied "so!!." - That struck me dead. The way he said it was upsetting... just one little question and all he had to do is say either yes or no. Afterwards I started thinking I wasn't trusted and loved. During the talk, I have started thinking things again... relationships with friends... and family... also a relationship with God. ... I'm not going to write much in detail... but that's all I could say...
Finally, about this week so far... There were some up's and down's. Last monday I had a pretty bad day... well... here's one story of that day... It was lunchtime and I had to go to my International Citizenship detention but I forgot to bring my coursework with me even though I have done it. I was just walking towards the business office... I walked in and saw my teacher and reminded him about the detention. He asked if I had my coursework with me and said "sorry I forgot to bring it to school." - He said sorry wasn't good enough. I was so scared... in my mind I was hoping he would let me give it to him the next day, but he didn't... he gave another Friday Detention, which my actual form tutor suggested him to do! I was just standing, shocked with my eyes wide open while looking down towards the carpet floor. Then my IC teacher released me. I walked out of the bus. office and walked along the corridors while tears formed from my eyes. As I reached to my form classroom I started bursting into tears infront of everyone who was there at lunchtime, devastated... I REALLY didn't want to have another one! I wondered what my parents would react if they got another letter from school about their daughter getting another friday DT? I promised them that this won't happen again... A few people crowded around me, asking at the same time what happened. I spilt the story to everyone in the room... My friends were offering to help... cheer me up... but they didn't help me much... I was still in shock... I felt like my life has shattered... I seriously didn't expect to have another friday DT heading in my way again... When I got home I prayed to God... Asking Him if I handed in my coursework the next day, my teacher won't give me a detention this Friday. I was crying so hard so badly that I didn't want my life to end up with so many detentions.
well... I have more to say but I don't know what... I'll leave it as it is for now...

Here's the verse that has been said in the talk;

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6