Wednesday, March 10, 2004

The talk from last Saturday about 'relationships' was good and also a short story of Tom R when he was nine years old. That was actually funny but gross in a different perspective. ehem... anyways...
Last week I felt like my life went out of control, my teachers were starting to get pretty concerned and were a bit disappointed in me. Just looking at their faces made me feel pretty guilty. With all their hard work of educating me and others and what did I do to pay them back? Not much respect and not impressing my teachers as I use to. My International Citizenship teacher gave me a Friday detention last week for not handing my coursework and not turning up for IC detention... the first ever Friday detention in my entire life...
Also, last week I have started thinking so hard about my friends, family, myself and my future. I was crying while thinking about the things... I was asking random questions to myself like 'Don't any of my friends trust me with anything as I trust them dearly? Will I be able to reach to my goal? Why am I being disrespectful towards my parents when they respect me?' and more questions spinning around in my mind... - I don't know... I felt that I was alone... unloved... last week.

At SNA, I walked in... thinking that everything will be alright... but it didn't. A friend of mine, was crying in tears... I couldn't understand why she was like that... I hugged her and asked what was wrong and she wouldn't tell me. At that point I felt that trust was in the air... and another friend (not sure if that person is a friend or not) I was talking to him a bit after practicing worship, felt that I did so many mistakes on my part on the electric but I was okay. Just by saying "Do you practice bass everyday?" and rudely replied "so!!." - That struck me dead. The way he said it was upsetting... just one little question and all he had to do is say either yes or no. Afterwards I started thinking I wasn't trusted and loved. During the talk, I have started thinking things again... relationships with friends... and family... also a relationship with God. ... I'm not going to write much in detail... but that's all I could say...
Finally, about this week so far... There were some up's and down's. Last monday I had a pretty bad day... well... here's one story of that day... It was lunchtime and I had to go to my International Citizenship detention but I forgot to bring my coursework with me even though I have done it. I was just walking towards the business office... I walked in and saw my teacher and reminded him about the detention. He asked if I had my coursework with me and said "sorry I forgot to bring it to school." - He said sorry wasn't good enough. I was so scared... in my mind I was hoping he would let me give it to him the next day, but he didn't... he gave another Friday Detention, which my actual form tutor suggested him to do! I was just standing, shocked with my eyes wide open while looking down towards the carpet floor. Then my IC teacher released me. I walked out of the bus. office and walked along the corridors while tears formed from my eyes. As I reached to my form classroom I started bursting into tears infront of everyone who was there at lunchtime, devastated... I REALLY didn't want to have another one! I wondered what my parents would react if they got another letter from school about their daughter getting another friday DT? I promised them that this won't happen again... A few people crowded around me, asking at the same time what happened. I spilt the story to everyone in the room... My friends were offering to help... cheer me up... but they didn't help me much... I was still in shock... I felt like my life has shattered... I seriously didn't expect to have another friday DT heading in my way again... When I got home I prayed to God... Asking Him if I handed in my coursework the next day, my teacher won't give me a detention this Friday. I was crying so hard so badly that I didn't want my life to end up with so many detentions.
well... I have more to say but I don't know what... I'll leave it as it is for now...

Here's the verse that has been said in the talk;
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6

posted by Kath @ Wednesday, March 10, 2004

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